Notes From Season 4 of True Blood: The Too Stupid to Live Stackhouses

FYI This post contains spoilers and a heavy dose of snark.

My husband and I have managed to get hooked on V, I mean True Blood. We watched the first three seasons like addicts, unable to tear ourselves away from the screen to go to sleep at a reasonable hour.

However, just as the books began to chafe, the series has as well. In fact, the TV series makes the flaws bigger and adds new mistakes to the mix. All in technicolor. Here's a rant, in list form, based on the series to date. These are all things I try to avoid in my writing. Wish I could say the same for the show's writers.

1.Seriously, Sookie? You aren't the least bit interested in harnessing your fairy powers? No matter how often people are willing to kill to get to you? Or how often it saves your sorry ass? Okay fine, how about some target practice with a gun small enough to wear on your body instead of so big it's always in the other room?

Or wearing perfume laced with collodial silver?

Or, you know, staying home at night? With a security system and one of those 'I've been bitten and I can't stop bleeding' Life Alert thingies.

In the real world? You'd be dead, Sookie. Dead of stupidity.

2.Bill and Eric. You love someone who has no common sense of self-preservation. She doesn't risk her life to save you for love alone, it's because she can think of no other way that doesn't maximize danger and damage. You want that kind of intellect in your corner? Well, then expect to end up tied to a stake with flames licking your boots.

3.Body guards. I love how King Bill has a personal SWAT team, but can't spare some protection for Sookie, the "love of his life." She's the most vulnerable one of the group and a magnet for danger, but she's on her own. All the time. How did these vampires manage to live so long again?

While we're at it, why not give her a little store of your blood for those times she gets her ass kicked without you there to heal her life threatening injuries?

You say you love her...

4. Witches. Marnie was at least interesting, but what amazed me is that the only response Bill had was a rocket launcher. Magic exists in this world and everyone knows it. No one tried to marshal a countercircle of witches? Anyone? Hello, is this brain on? Or is it the first thing to go when you become a vamp?

Also, are there seriously no vamps who were first witches? I find that hard to believe based on the world-building.

Plus, why was I not surprised when Marnie's spirit came back for more, but everyone on the show was just hard core wedgie shocked? Does everyone really have to be too stupid to live to make the plot work? That's sad.

5.Layfeyette. I love you, man. You are just delicious and worthy of your own spin-off show, Pimp Ho Medium. However, after what has happened to you, I find it odd that at no time was your character allowed to learn how to prevent possession. It's only logical that anyone prone to spiritual invasion might want to protect themselves. Doh. What were the writers thinking? Oh, yeah, you had to be dumb to make the plot work.

6.Sam. You are annoying. Everyone knows if you don't kill a guy like Marcus, he'll come back and kill you. It's a story trope that should incur a fine each time it's used. Grow a pair and do what needs to be done. Half your problem is a serious lack of boundaries.

Further, I have no idea why you get so much screen time. You aren't that interesting to watch. You were a potential love interest in the books and that has been defiled by the show. I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole, too damaged. Fortunately for you, Sookie is too stupid to know better, so you still have a shot.

I do, however, want to work at your bar. No one actually seems to work and can spend all sorts of time on personal stuff. I would kill at that job.

7.Society. So vamps have been out of the coffin for a few years and the only response is some Christian fundamentalism? A fundamentalism that can't even touch the extremes of what we have in the real world? Yawn.

No fashion trends based on crosses or silver? No move to have everyone carrying a stake and a gun? People still stumbling around in the dark without a care in the world? Like there's no need whatsoever for self-defense?

The wider social effects of vampires are barely touched and it undermines the world building. Rats learn a maze faster than this. Even moths in London adapted faster. Yet humans are still walking around in the dark, unarmed. Really? I don't think so.

Now, I enjoyed the books and I like the show, but the writers need to tighten up if they want to keep True Blood going.